Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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