i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
