I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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