Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
