Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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