Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
