I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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