all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
