Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
