The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
