My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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