And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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