I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
