pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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