I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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