theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize