sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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