My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
