woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
