Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
