Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
