i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
