On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
