There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
