I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
