i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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