Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
