do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
