She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
