Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
