"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
