I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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