You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
