Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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