I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude i'm inner monologue high
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
