i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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