i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
