I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
