Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize