Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
