Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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