if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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