Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
