who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
