I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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