No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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