Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
