you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
