We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
