I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
