I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
