Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have already put on my inside pants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
