i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
