im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
