everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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