I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
