come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
nutella sex= disaster
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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