So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
