On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
