Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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