this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
