Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
