just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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