forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
