wrigley field is MILF paradise
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
