Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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