I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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