I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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