i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Panties = found
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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