You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize