How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
