Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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