She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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