the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
