He uses pillows to masturbate.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
