remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
