peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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