Say something about gay babies.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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