I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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