Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
