I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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