So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize