Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
