Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
