it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
