ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
