worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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