I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
