Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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